Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The Eternal Struggle - What does my girlfriend mean when she says 'Never Mind'? / Why does my boyfriend not understand?

I am not sure if i want to re-live last night, but I would like to share what I have kind of figured out while I was sleeping, mainly digesting what I have observed from my long chat with missy daisy and mr. fish……

What did this Involve?

Woman (or the party who is more inclined to the feminine side in a relationship)

Her emotional struggle

Her insecurities

Her trying to communicate it

With her beloved.

What Is The Issue At Hand?

This is a simple equation 

That exists looong before time

Woman feels insecure

about something

Woman tells man about it

Man thinks that the something which is making woman insecure is irrelevant

Hence brushes it aside (worse, thinking that she is pms-ing and it is only a moment of irrationality, which will pass within a few days….*honestly, this is the WORST kind of explanation a man could possibly EVER come up with in his head, whether he communicates it verbally or not!*)

Then the insecurity brews and grows quietly but surely in her

Till finally

it erupts

All because of a small matter that nags and takes advantage of her insecurities

What Could Have Been A Possible Solution?

If only

man could

attend and nip the issue at the butt

first by acknowledging that whatever issue the woman is facing

is of importance, at least to her, to her world, to her perspective.

THEN he should

out of the love and concern he has for her

attend to the something / issue that is bothering her immediate

no matter how insignificant the issue might be in his book

before it snowballs into an irrational brawl

Why?
 
because by then, when it reaches the irrational brawl,  the woman will hate herself

for turning into this horrible nasty slimy creature

then, she will get angry at the man

who would have this question mark in his head “what have I done??”

then he would ask her “What do you want me to do to make you happy?”

that sentence will escalate the issue to a whole new level

because, she will feel that you have just given her a tight slap in her face (well, it would actually feel 
better if it was an ACTUAL slap in this case, not that any woman would want it)

because this question, which is a genuine question from the man’s part, will be translated to

“I give up, now just tell me quickly what I need to do, I will do it, and then we just quickly get over this so that I can go on to do the things I like than to deal with you this maddening woman” 
 
OR

“Ok, whatever, I will do as she tells me, I don’t really want to spend time THINKING about what she wants, just give me the quick fixes…”

Yes, the man might rebuke that this is not true, not what his intention is

But
 
This is exactly what is appearing to her, what his question is IMPLYING to her

And then she will say the forever mystical two words that puzzles man to no end
“Never mind….” Or “Forget it….”

What Happens Next?
 
Finally

Things seem to have calmed down and water seems to have run under the bridge

But

The truth it

It is not

It is still brewing

And growing

Albeit quietly 

But surely

In her heart

and the next time

when it erupts again

the man better be thoroughly well-prepared to take the accummulated aftermaths

or……

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